Honey, meet your Babies
by Necrosame
Summary: How would Itachi react if he suddenly finds out that he had 5 babies and the father was Kisame! Kisaita total crack rated T for potty mouths


This fic is completely influenced by a retard author (me) on some serious NyQuil (NyQuil is GOD!!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Shamu the whale, NyQuil, Naruto.

What gave me this completely amazingly wacky idea was a picture (that I did not draw) It is so cute and you should check it out…after reading this fic…hopefully…

It's called Kisaita by dese-chan at deviant art website

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Mornings.

Itachi hated mornings .

Some people thought that since Uchiha Itachi was a genius of his clan and had inhumanly good control over his emotions that he would, for some reason, be the type to get up a 5:00 am with no problem. This was in no way true.

Itachi loved to sleep in if he could get away with it, which since he was the man who single handedly destroyed all of his clan but he's emo brother and that hyper active thing called Tobi, he always got away with everything, because no one wanted to piss him off.

So when he woke up on Sunday at only 9:00 am with a pounding headache, he knew that today the God's would take pleasure in raping him (figuratively) and laughing at his soon to come misfortune.

Slowly he rose out of bed and noticed the absence of his clothing…he stared down at his family jewels before shrugging it off and grabbing a pair of sweat pants that could not have belonged to him…they kept slipping off his waist exposing his ass crack to the world.

He ignored this fact deciding he just didn't have the energy to look for a pair that would fit him, plus he actually liked the breeze on his backside.

So swaying like a graceful drunk he made his way to the kitchen hoping that food would improve his mood.

The only thing opening the fridge did was further dampen his mood. He let out a disgruntled sigh as he stared at the occupants of the refrigerator which included,

Gerber Baby food

Milk

Apple juice

Fruity pebbles cereal.

He grabbed the fruity pebbles, not even bothering to wonder why cereal was in the fridge, and glared at it as if it were the black plague.

Should he eat the artificially flavored fruit cereal or not?

His pondering was cut short as a soft giggle reached his ears.

He quickly whirled around trying to find the source of the noise. He saw nothing. Slowly he turned back around figuring that he had imagined it all in his head (wouldn't be the first time).

As he directed his attention back to the pathetically packed fridge he heard it again.

"Alright that's enough. Show yourself." He called out. A hushing sound was heard.

Itachi slowly looked over the breakfast bar when…

"GOOD MORNING DADDY!!" screamed a blur of black and blue as it shot out of seemingly no where and attached himself to Itachi's face.

He stumbled back from the surprise attack only to be bombarded as more little things shot out and attached themselves to his thigh, his leg, his arm and back.

"Oomph…what the…" he some how managed to pry the little parasite off his face, "FUCK!" he finished.

Suddenly the giggling stopped and the extra weight slid off of him.

"OHHHHHHHH" all the things said in unison. Itachi took the opportunity to look at the little devils. He nearly hit floor at the sight before him.

Standing in a straight line in front of him was himself.

Perfect mirror images…if he were only 3 ft tall and had blue skin.

"Daddy said a bad word…" spoke one child

"Shut up Nezumi! Daddy can do whatever he wants!" Shot back another child.

_1…2…3…4…5_ Itachi mentally counted 5 blue look a likes

"Hey!" he barked to get the midgets attention

"Who are you and what is going?"

All the children stood at attention as if it were the military and began to sound off

"I am Kajiki"

"Kinezumi"

"Sazanami"

"Nezumi"

"Uo"

"And were your sons" they all said together.

Itachi then proceeded to shit his pants. He took deep breaths trying to avoid a panic attack.

It was at that moment that the front door burst open and in walked Kisame.

Itachi had never been so happy as to see his gill faced partner before. He quickly walked over to him about to demand to know just what the hell kind of sick joke this was but instead he got pulled into a heated kiss.

All 5 children proceeded to snicker at the PDA and one even gagged.

Once the moment was over the proud Uchiha Itachi had soiled himself for the 2nd time in less then 5 minuets.

"How have you been Koishii? Sorry I left without saying anything but I know how you like to sleep and Hidan was bitching up a storm about installing his cable. Honestly 2 hours with him and I'm surprised I didn't die of blood lost the way my ears were bleeding."

"Kisame…what…the….fuck" Itachi then passed out.

When he came to he was greeted with 6 blue skinned, fang mouthed faces.

"Are you okay daddy?"

"I'm not your daddy" Itachi thoughtlessly said

"B-but…" then the sound of 5 wailing kids assaulted Itachi's ears.

After a few minutes of uncontrolled crying Kisame managed to shut the kids up and tell them to go play Grand theft Auto in there room.

Itachi almost protested that children should not play games that promoted violence and prostitution…but then he remembered the whole killing of the clan incident…that and the fact he just wanted those little things to get the hell away from him.

"I guess I have some explaining to do" Said Kisame sheepishly

Itachi gave him the 'No shit fish-boy' look

"Well…let's see…you do remember that me and you are together…intimately right…"

Itachi almost raised his pimp hand and bitch slapped the gill faced man for saying such a thing but as he thought about it…it didn't seem so weird…so he just shook his head in agreement…He was currently involved with a fish…a sexy fish.

"And do you remember anything about our kids?"

"I have no children…we are both male Kisame." He stated bluntly.

"Well…I won't get into how you got pregnant but the bottom line is you did. We had 5 children together Itachi."

"I think I would remember giving birth to half weasel half Flipper babies…"

"Uh hum well….you see it's a rather funny story but I think you have…amnesia…"

"From what?"

"Well…last night me and you where…um…"

"Get to the point Shamu." Itachi said threateningly

"Ok…last night me and u where fucking like bitch's in heat and the bed kept hitting the wall…so you know that Vase that Deidara made…the one we keep above the bed…well it feel right on your head and knocked you out cold… I figured you'd be fine but…obviously your not…so…Honey, meet your babies" exclaimed Kisame, hoping Itachi wouldn't totally turn him into sushi or worse…shark fin soup.

There was along moment of silence

Followed by more silence

And some more

Just a tad bit more…

"Kisame?"

"Yes…"

"So those are really our shark bishie babies?"

"Yes."

Silence

"Fuck."

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Well now…that was…interesting….

R&R plz

Kajiki – Swordfish in Japanese

Kinezumi - Squirrel in Japanese

Sazanami - Ripple (as in water ripple) in Japanese

Nezumi - Rat in Japanese

Uo - fish in Japanese

Koishii- beloved in Japanese


End file.
